Film is Pwn

Not unlike those Transmorphers from the classic Asylum film Transmorphers, Film is Pwn is transmorphering.  We will be gradually moving everything over to a new site that is already partially up and running, SnarkCriticPop.com.  We’re expanding our focus from not just film to anything entertainment and pop culture.  Join us, won’t you? 

Odds are you will not be seeing any new updates here, all new blog posts will be at SnarkCriticPop.com.   Hopefully in a day or two I’ll have my thoughts up at SnarkCriticPop.com on the Asylum’s most awesomest movie ever, Mega Piranha.

Starring: Klinton Spilsbury, Michael Horse, Christopher Lloyd, Jason Robards
Directed By: William A. Fraker

I think that whoever proposed re-launching the Lone Ranger franchise with 1981’s The Legend of the Lone Rangerhad a good idea. Of course, the path to bankruptcy is paved with good ideas.  New Coke was a good idea . . . if people liked the product.   Parents and grandparents grew up with the iconic Old West hero the Lone Ranger on TV or on radio.  Presumably those parental units would be excited to take their little consumers to the theater to enjoy a family friendly, PG adventure featuring the Lone Ranger.  On the drawing board it was so great: We’ll have old fashioned stunt work, horses, clearly defined heroes and villains, a moral and upright protagonist with a clear sense of right and wrong, and it’ll be awesome!  Oh, it all looked so promising.

Here is where the idea goes flying horribly off the track: Every single element after the green light ranging from casting to script to filming to catering.  The Legend of the Lone Ranger does not meander toward the wretched film abyss, it gallops blindfolded straight into the hall of awful at a brisk gallop shouting “Hi yo, Silver!” all the way to the bottom of that gorge of film infamy. (more…)

Apparently, they will remake anything.  Exhibit 3213-A, the forthcoming Toxic Avenger remake.  But how can you do a film with better productions values than the original?  See for yourself: (more…)

The best of all bad movie worlds – A SyFy Channel Original and a Production from our favorite movie studio, the Asylum.  Mega Piranha debuts Saturday at 9 o’clock Eastern Standard Time.  Be there!

We get spam comments a LOT.  We reject them, of course, but I really enjoyed a recent one on my blog of my favorite film of all time, Memento.  That’s the crux of the review: I love this movie, it’s my favorite.  And the babelfish-aided, auto-commenting spammer left us this note in response: (more…)

Chris Evans, one of my least favorite actors (see Fantastic Four, Push, or Sunshine for reasons why) has officially been cast in the forthcoming, big-screen adaptation of comic book hero Captain America.  In a word: Ugh.  Of course, it cannot be worse than any of the previous attempts to put Captain America on screen, can it?  Well . . . . . . see for yourself. (more…)

I caught a showing of the Spring, big-budget spectacle Clash of the Titans this afternoon.  My thoughts in a word: Meh. (That’s indifferentese for “it’s all right, I guess.”) (more…)

I must confess that I have been in a bit of a film funk of late.  My movie consumption intake has dropped from around 1 film per 2 days to something akin to 1 film every 2 weeks.  No movie has lured me to the multiplex since The Book of Eli (although Cop Out was tempting . . .).

I recently started to watch recent DVD releases District 9 and Where the Wild Things Are, and at the halfway point gave up due to disinterest.  I’m not saying either is bad, just I could not be bothered to sit through them as my mind wandered to distant lands where unicorns roam free and magic bears ride them to the Honeycomb Hideout.

Since the Asylum is kind enough to send Film is Pwn HQ advance copies of their DVDs (thanks, Asylum!), I feel somewhat obliged to screen them and write them up.  I feel it is important to provide this up front disclaimer to my review: Watching the Asylum’s latest release 6 Guns felt like homework before I started watching it.  As the film unfolded, it began to feel a tad bit more like I was the subject of a blind, amateur dentist’s first root canal. (more…)

The Expendables is Summer’s action movie with the surplus of action movie stars who had to carpool to the studio and ended up in the same picture. The cast includes (including cameos): Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Charisma Carpenter, the late Brittany Murphy, David Zayas and Amin Joseph.

Those who do not remember cinema’s past are doomed to repeat it.  According to this very entertaining article, doomed we are indeed.  I weep for the screenwriter penning an daring, bold, and fresh story never before placed on screen previously.  In the meantime, Flash Gordon, Dune, Short Circuit, Teen Wolf, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, The Monster Squad, Police Academy, and Ghostbusters are all coming back, like it or not.

One reason I’m glad I don’t have kids, the Marmaduke movie coming soon. Behold the horror: (more…)

Enjoy, enjoyers: (more…)