Film is Pwn

A collage of our favorite film quotes, the genuinely brilliant lines of dialogue mixed in with the truly terrible.  This is the place where the great lines in cinema history, spoken by the greatest actors who ever lived, will be placed beside some of the funniest and mixed in with the dumbest lines that ever appeared in a SyFy Channel Original Movie.  Enjoy:

“Now, a few words on looking for things. When you go looking for something specific, your chances of finding it are very bad. Because of all the things in the world, you’re only looking for one of them. When you go looking for anything at all, your chances of finding it are very good. Because of all the things in the world, you’re sure to find some of them.” – From Zero Effect, narration in the head of detective Daryl Zero (Bill Pullman) as he searches a room for something.

“Yes, of course! Hence the name: movement. It moves a certain distance, then it stops, you see? A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face. You tried to kill me you son of a *itch… so welcome to the revolution.” – From Under Siege (1992), spoken by crazy villain Strannix (Tommy Lee Jones) as he explains why he has taken a battleship hostage.

“She speaks well, she dresses fine, she’s good lookin’ . . . she can play the piano and she cooks good, and she’s very clean.  . . Chews her food nice.” – From Appaloosa (2008), spoken by Virgil (Ed Harris) describing why he loves Allison (Renee Zellweger.

“I saw on TV that the safest thing to do is just sit and wait!” - From Half Past Dead 2 (2007), spoken by Ellie telling a fellow hostage why they shouldn’t try escaping from the lunatic holding them captive in a prison under siege.

Sondra: “You think it was noble? The code of the warrior. You think it’s noble?”

Mike: “No, I think it’s correct.” – An exchange between martial arts instruct Mike (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and wife Sondra (Alice Braga) over a gallant deed that cost their fledgling business money, in Redbelt (2008).

“I admire you as a policeman – particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job.” - From L.A. Confidential (1997), spoken by Captain Dudley Smith (James Cromwell) to “aggressive” detective Bud White (Russell Crowe).

“Do not stop until you reach the Marina!” — From Lost Treasure (2003), instructions given to a thug being chased by cops in a truck full of stolen art through the streets of our home, Charlotte, NC, which has NO MARINA and is NOT NEAR THE COAST.

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.” – From The Usual Suspects (1995), Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey).

“You tried to hypnotize me!” – Greasy trucker accusing Chuck Norris of cheating after losing an arm-wrestling match in Breaker! Breaker! (1977)

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” – From Taken (2009), spoken by Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) addressing his daughter’s kidnappers over the phone.

“(Carlo) fights for what he believes in.” – From Redline, spoken by Natasha (Nadia Bjorlin) introducing the war hero in her narration.

“We can’t be too careful. Two guys in an airport . . . talking? It’s a little fishy.” – From Zero Effect, spoken by paranoid but brilliant detective Daryl Zero (Bill Pullman) to his reluctant sidekick as they speak to each other on separate pay phones at an airport.

Trueman: “You’ve helped this office out before.”

Brendan: “No, I gave you Jerr to see him eaten, not to see you fed.”

Trueman: “Fine. And very well put.”

Brendan: “Accelerated English, Mrs. Kasprzyk.”

Trueman: “Tough teacher?”

Brendan: “Tough but fair.” – Exchange from Brick (2005) between high-school student protagonist Brendan (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Vice Principal Trueman (Richard Roundtree).

“I’m not going to let you kill the most important paleontological find in history!” – From Dragon Fighter, spoken by crazy mad scientist protecting a dragon on a killing spree.

Scott (Val Kilmer): “In the city there is always a refelection, in the woods always a sound.”

Curtis (Derek Luke): “What about the desert?”

Scott: “You don’t wanna go to the desert.” – Spartan (2004)

“I know the characters, and they tell me where the story goes.” – Novelist Alex (Luke Wilson) from Alex & Emma (2003)

“Just pray that I am guilty of killing those girls.  Because if I am, then your boys worked over a monster. It’ll be brushed under the carpet. But if I’m not, then the monster changes sides.” – From Under Suspicion (2000), spoken by Henry Hearst (Gene Hackman) after undergoing hostile interrogation for suspicion of murder.

”Kid, I made a movie in Bulgaria, I’m ready for anything.” – From My Name is Bruce (2008) spoken by Bruce Campbell (Bruce Campbell) before going to battle a monster.

“I’m the parking attendant.  And you’re bothering my customers.” – From Nowhere to Run, spoken by Sam (Jean-Claude Van Damme) about to fight some bad guys bothering his lady friend in her car.

Little Bill (Gene Hackman): “I don’t deserve this. To die like this. I was building a house.”

William Munny (Clint Eastwood): “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.” – From Unforgiven (1992).

Farmer Brown: “Sure will be nice to tear this old bank down and plant me a fresh crop of corn.”

Bank Manager (Joe Flaherty): “You will never grow one single ear of your filthy corn here!” – From the funniest comedy you’ve never heard of, The Wrong Guy.

“Everybody votes for a dictator.” – Number Six (Patrick McGoohan) from the TV show the Prisoner, episode “Free For All.”

“First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.” – Alec Baldwin giving a motivational speech to the salesmen in Glengarry Glen Ross (1994).

“Just remember this: It takes 26 muscles in your face to frown, and only 5 . . . to smile.” – Long John Silver (Lance Henriksen) giving his last words to his killer in the low-budget laugher The Pirates of Treasure Island.

Leonard (Guy Pearce): [running] “OK, so what am I doing?”

[sees Dodd running adjacent to him]

Leonard: “Oh, I’m chasing this guy.”

[Dodd shoots at Leonard]

Leonard: “No… he’s chasing me.” - From Memento (2000)

“In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!“ -  Steve Martin motivating the good people of Santa Poco to throw off the shackles of tyranny and stand up to the notorious outlaw, El Guapo in the Three Amigos (1986).

“What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss? . . . You know what date is on this coin? . . . 1958.  It’s been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it’s here. And it’s either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.” Serial killer Anton Chigurh (Javier Bordem) to a petrified gas station owner in No Country for Old Men (2007).

“Let’s be bad guys.” - Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin) before a heist in Serenity (2005)

“The Da Vinci Codex.  Unbelievable!” – Michael (C. Thomas Howell) beholding the wonder of the “Da Vinci Codex” in the cheap but entertaining knock-off of the Da Vinci Code, The Da Vinci Treasure.

“There was never a point in my life where I thought one day, I’ll take a crew of people – boxes of technology, night vision scopes, thermal imagers – and I will hunt those elves.” – Josh Gates, host of monster-hunting reality TV show Destination Truth.

“No pulse, no heartbeat.  If condition does not change, this man is dead!” – Inspector Wang (Peter Sellers) investigating a corpse in the murder mystery parody Murder By Death.

[Future Secretary of State Robert McNamara discussing his and Colonel Curtis LeMay's involvement in the bombings of Japan during World War II]

Robert McNamara: “LeMay said if we lost the war that we would have all been prosecuted as war criminals. And I think he’s right. He… and I’d say I… were behaving as war criminals. . .  LeMay recognized that what he was doing would be thought immoral if his side has lost. . .  But what makes it immoral if you lose and not immoral if you win?” (As featured in the documentary, The Fog of War.)

“I thought it was a forest cat.” – Dumb blond Bebe (Emily Foxler), defending herself to Ranger Bob after giving food to a skunk, which results in getting her skunked, in Grizzly Park (2008).

Sam: “What’s in the case?”

Deirdre: “That isn’t necessary.”

Sam: “Is it heavy, is it explosive, is it chained to some unlucky bloke’s wrist?  Are we gonna have to chop it off?”

Deirdre: “All right. But I am not under any obligation to let you know…”

Sam: “If not, the price has gotta go up.  I’ll get you the case, but the price has gotta go up.  If it’s gonna be a amateur night, I want a hundred thousand dollars.  I want it upfront.  I want it in a bank account.  I want another $100,000 when you get the case.” — From Ronin (1998).

“Comas are tricky things, Bo.” – Doctor telling movie-star Bo Laramie (Cole Hauser) that his son is in a coma in Paparazzi (2004).

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.”- Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers (1930).

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the WAR Room!” - The President (Peter Sellers) in Dr. Strangelove (1964).

Michael Malone (Kevin Farley): “You can’t just shoot people!”

General Patton (Kelsey Grammer): “They’re not people!  They’re the ACLU!” – From An American Carol (2008)

“Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That’s really the key to the benefit program.” – Vince Ricardo (Peter Falk) on joining the C.I.A. in The In-Laws (1979)

“You can’t bluff someone who’s not paying attention.” - Con-Man Mike (Joe Mantegna) explaining his trade in House of Games (1987)

“Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning?  The same thing that happens to everything else!” – Storm (Halle Berry) in X-Men (2000), delivering perhaps the stupidest superhero about to vanquish a villian quip EVER.

“Somebody ran my brother down in a horse-drawn carriage. I’m gonna find whoever did it, and hurt them!” – October in “the video game is killing people thriller” Stay Alive (2006)

“If you shoot me, you’re liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.” – Fletch (Chevy Chase) in Fletch (1985).

Turkish official warning American scientists not to go in the dangerous woods: “There are bandits. Very bad people in the forest.”
Stupid American scientist: “Oh, they’re not going to bother a scientific investigation.” – From the Coolio classic, Pterodactyl.