Film is Pwn

Imagine a future where you will be able to send an android double to go watch terrible movies like Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan in Cop Out.  That is – sorta – the idea behind Surrogates.

In this near future sci-fi-thriller, humans live life from the comfort of their homes as their robotic stand-ins work, play, and party on their behest.  Still trying to get your head around Surrogates?  Think Avatar except no blue aliens and minus about a billion dollars in box office receipts.

The Surrogates themselves are in some cases idealized representations of humans.  Give me a robot that looks just like me except 50 pounds lighter, perfect hair, toned calves, and literal abs of steel, please!  In other instances, the Surrogate embodies nauseous role-playing.  One attractive blonde Surrogate turns out to be a fat dude living out his own fantasy and my nightmare.  Who hasn’t dreaded finally meeting Ms. Right and discovering that she’s secretly Horatio Sanz?  Just me?  *Sigh*

There are a few absurd notions you have to buy into in Surrogates.  First and foremost is that seven years into their development, the vast majority of the population has a fully operational, robot stand-ins complete with the in-home appliances necessary to operate and charge the things.  Riiiiiiight.

Second, crime has become nigh extinct thanks to the establishment of Surrogate use.  Call me crazy, but I’d imagine having a remote control android capable of superhuman leaps and feats of strength at your beck and call would only embolden certain criminal activities.  What’s the downside of robbing the convenience store if it’s your metal look-a-like who’s going to take the business end of a little old ladies’ robot’s purse?

Bruce Willis plays the protagonist, FBI Agent Tom Greer.  Greer’s Surrogate is wrinkle-free version of Willis, with a hilarious Flock of Seagulls coif.  Greer investigates a back-alley assault wherein two Surrogates were fried, causing not only their deactivation but the humans behind the robots to be fried as well.

The implications are allegedly dire, as the point behind Surrogates is that they get hurt and you don’t.  You vegetate in a Barcalounger safe from everything except gruesome bedsores.  The Surrogates take the risk as you gad about town engaging in all the decadence and debauchery that previously resulted in this little thing I like to call “consequences.”

Greer’s investigation takes him to the secretive inventor of Surrogates, Canter (James Cromwell), whose son was one of the victims.  Canter was expelled from the Surrogate Company he created for mysterious reasons, and now lives as a recluse.  Canter may have been the intended target of a vast conspiracy to undermine the Surrogate-reliant-society.

One suspect in the deaths is a man called “the Prophet” (Ving Rhames), who is the leader of the anti-Surrogate movement.  Actually, the Prophet and his people aren’t just against robots, they have entirely rejected technology and live like Amish hippies in closed communities.  While I’d personally lean toward the no-robot-stand-in crowd, does that really mean I have to renounce the combustion engine and my iPod too?  Mr. Prophet, sir, maybe we don’t need to revert back to the sun dial just because we don’t want to live vicariously through Lt. Commander Data?

Greer chases an assassin into the Prophet’s No Gears Allowed Club, and the anti-technology crowd destroys Greer’s Surrogate.  Greer’s neutral zone infraction gets him suspended.  Suspension in Surrogate-land apparently means no badge, no gun, and no robot.

Greer is forced to physically step outside his domicile sans automaton proxy in order to get to the bottom of things.  Greer the “meatbag” is the freak in conventional society, an actual homo sapien with wrinkles, scars, and imperfections walking bustling city streets populated by idealized mannequins.

Generally speaking, I kind of liked the message behind Surrogates.  It’s about re-engaging with human beings away from technology.  But I can’t say I hold much fondness for the movie itself.  Surrogates is goofy and unrealistic despite taking itself far, far too seriously to qualify as fun/bad.  At best, it’s a guilty pleasure you can wait for to air on TNT in about 18 months.