Film is Pwn

Yes, we’ve done it again. While many of our readers likely stop themselves from watching bad movies. We here are Film is Pwn take our bad movies very seriously.

Dozens of watchings, hours of discussion — all so we can mock it passionately and completely. Our latest victim or rather the film that most recently took us as victims is Monster Squad. The movie is great in the way that many children’s movies from the 80s are great. It’s impossibly ridiculous, fraught with sickeningly bad fashion, ridiculous dialog, and it has that kid from “The Wonder Years” (no not Fred Savage, the other one … no not Josh Saviano the other one… no not Danica McKeller either, the OTHER one). The truth is though that it was fun to watch. Many of the types of movies we suffer through have no redeeming qualities, which of course amuses us. This however genuinely amused us. So we decided, “why not make a good bad movie better?”

So, check out our iRiff Monster Squad and enjoy. Let us know what you think.

The sad part is, Tom and I actually came up with an idea along these lines . . . (more…)

For reasons hotly debated by office temps and great hunters around water coolers and water buffaloes, Jean-Claude Van Damme just loves to play two roles in his movies.  JCVD has played twins in not one but two movies (Double Impact & Maximum Risk), and in Timecop he teamed up with a past version of himself to battle time traveling hooligans.  Strangely, I’m reminded when a friend on a little league baseball team told the coach he wanted to become a switch hitter and bat left-handed, to which the coach replied, “Son, don’t you think you ought to get good at hitting right-handed before you try left-handed?”  Along these lines, someone ought to tell this to Mr. Van Damme, that before you attempt to tack dual roles in films, be good at one role first.  I should note that the most recent Van Damme film I saw, JCVD, Van Damme was good, but that can largely be attributed to the face he played himself, the role he was born to play.

In today’s subject, class, Replicant, scientists have found a new way for JCVD to square off with himself on-screen: Cloning. 

Here’s the concept: There’s a diabolical serial killer known as The Torch (Van Damme # 1), who burns mothers whom he overhears on the street rebuking their children as bad boys, sort of a knee jerk reaction to his own poor childhood.  Methinks this is a message to parents that if you spank your kids or do anything other than over protect and coddle them, they will become serial killers, bed-wetters, lame martial arts movie makers, or perhaps even worse. (more…)

Dolph & Jean-Claude, oh how the mighty have fallen with this straight to dvd release: (more…)

I regularly watch the syndicated, film review TV show At The Movies (Formerly Siskel & Ebert/Ebert & Roeper) and was very surprised when both the current hosts, Michael Phillips and A.O. Scott gave reserved recommendations to the sparkly vampire vs. glittering werewolf film Twilight: New Moon that is staggeringly setting box-office records this weekend.  New York Times’ Scott did give the film perhaps the ultimate backhanded compliment and perhaps revealed a little too much about himself when he stated, and I quote:

“I know that all of America is waiting breathlessly for the opinion of two middle-aged guys on this movie. . .  I liked this too, and I say, See It.  It’s not just a movie for teenage girls, it’s a movie that turns everyone watching into a teenage girl.  And I enjoyed that.”

I believe Mr. Scott said too much, but he did give me and his co-host a hearty laugh and provided yet another reason I do not want to see the film in spite of the recommendations of two respected film critics.
Updated 11-23-09: Here’s the link to see the hilarious segment yourself, check it out.

I finally got around to watching the latest Pixar movie Up — recently released on DVD — this weekend, and while it’s tough to argue that Pixar movies are consistently excellent (Finding Nemo, Wall-E, The Incredibles, etc.) I wasn’t in a big rush to check out Up.  The film is and was advertised as the adventures of a grumpy old man and a chubby boy scout in a house sent airborne by a gaggle of balloons.  Interesting, sure, but when the choice between Up and The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 came, I opted with the pretty good Denzel Washington thriller.

In retrospect and with respect to Pelham 1-2-3, I made the wrong choice. Up is terrific, thoroughly entertaining and with a great heart. My knee-jerk reaction is that I prefer Up over Wall-E and Finding Nemo, great films both.

The talking dog named Dug cracked me up every time he spoke with perfectly annunciated cadence to great dialogue translated to humanese, “I will stop the dogs! . . .  Stop you dogs!” and “I have just met you, and I love you.” (more…)

Last week I spent a lot of time and multiple posts mocking the big movie of the week, the world is going to end (or just get really, really wet) 2012.  Friday’s new release is worthy of being ridiculed as well, the second of the sparkly, angsty vampire saga, Twilight: New Moon.  Unlike 2012, I will not watch this in theaters unless I inexplicably partake of an Extreme Truth or Dare contest, but I will watch it when it comes out on DVD and Rifftrax does a hilarious commentary, like they did for the first feature.  Clips of which are here.  Enjoy: (more…)

Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise reboot with Batman Begins and the Dark Knight have been a huge financial, critical, and popular success, so naturally the third film is going to be the subject of a lot of speculation.  As of right now, Director Nolan hasn’t committed to the project, but one would assume there’s a truckload of cash being wheeled on his lawn on a daily basis and he’ll come back.
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Just caught the first two episodes of the Prisoner, and it is truly awesome.  It’s a worthy update of the 60s classic, with plenty of homages (the 6 buying a map scene, the attire, the phrase “Be seeing you,” the giant ball of death a.k.a. “Rover”, etc.) and plenty of twists on the theme. (more…)

The 60s British TV show The Prisoner starring Patrick McGoohan is perhaps the greatest TV series of all-time and one of the few TV shows I have written about on Film Is Pwn, which I did last September.  Starting tonight (Sunday), AMC is premiering a new mini-series remaking the Prisoner starring Sir Ian McKellan as Number 2 and Jim Caviezel as Number 6.  I for one will be watching with great anticipation, and hope you will be too.  Be seeing you!

I heard there was a trainwreck in theaters this week, and I had to check it out for myself. 

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It had long been stuff of lore that after mankind obliterates itself in a future world war presumably in relationship to one too many obtuse letters to the editor over downtown parking, cockroaches would inherit the earth.  Or that’s what the powerful cockroach lobby would like us to believe.  “Don’t squish those cockroaches,” they are wont to say, “After all, post-apocalypse they will be responsible for carrying on humanity.  Granted, it will be a bold, disgusting, disease-carrying new breed of humanity that decries the evils of that great Satan known as the Orkin Man, but it’s all we’ll have.”

But much to the cockroach apologist’s dismay, a recent film known only as “9” has put forward an interesting new hypothesis about who will inherit the Earth after doomsday, and it is neither a roach based theory nor is it the meek.  No, 9 (which is now tied with W and O for the shortest title in motion picture history) has an unorthodox prediction: Sock puppets.

Yes, after man, woman, bear, badger, and even the ever resilient the bigfoot have been obliterated, the ruins of civilization will be home to a new breed of curious little, mouse-sized sock robots.
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