Film is Pwn

Cry Wolf is a thriller masquerading as a horror film, and I mean that as a compliment. 

Call me a coward or a man with a weak stomach, but I don’t like to witness grotesque violence on the big screen or on my personal 1080p HD screen.  I’m talking about the repulsive torture-porn of the Saw franchise and all its appalling imitators; virtually all action movies and genuine thrillers I can abide with a splattering of violence, with some exceptions like the recent Rambo revival that showed the self-control of a cat chasing a flashlight.
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For the record, I like John Wayne movies and John Wayne in particular.  So, all the bad things I’m going to say about this movie, King of the Pecos, please forgive me in advance.
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Lost City Raiders is the Sci-Fi Channel original movie that arrived just in time to celebrate the infamous “green week,” wherein NBC and its affiliates encourage everyone to shower instead of taking a bath in order to save the planet.  *sniff* It kinda chokes me up just thinking about Keith Olbermann in his MSNBC bunk bed sleeping with his Obama bedsheets going without his precious nightlight, all terrified of the dark, just to help out the poor lil’ planet for one week. 

After seeing the movie, I feel ripped off, to be honest.  Lost City Raiders is not just a low-budget knock-off of Tomb Raider and/or Raiders of the Lost Ark, though those elements are involved somewhat and the budget is undeniably cheap, it’s essentially a combination of two of the more ridiculous movies of my lifetime, the Da Vinci Code and Waterworld. 
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Just thought I’d post this here in lieu of an actual blog.  What you’ll find below is a original video, which was a collaboration between Tom, myself, our brothers, and a few friends that we did last year just for laughs.  The idea being that we are all potential henchmen interviewing for a position in a James Bond villain type of organization.  I play Ricardo Hemingway and Tom is . . . Tom.  Brilliant casting, I know.  It was a lot of fun and doggone funny, if I do say so myself:

When it comes to fun/bad, Broken Arrow is one of the worst, or best, depending on your standard.  Broken Arrow is aggressively, laughably absurd, and I mean that as a compliment.  But more than being ridiculous escapism, society owes John Woo’s Broken Arrow a deep debt, for without it in ‘96, would there have ever been the Woo-Nicolas Cage-John Travolta crapfest Face/Off in ’97?  I shudder to think.  A world without Face/Off is not a world that I, for one, care to fathom.  Thank you, Broken Arrow, thank you for paving the way for even more absurd movies throughout the rest of the 90s. 

Broken Arrow is directed by the aforementioned Woo, the man who never met an object he didn’t think wouldn’t explode if struck by a bullet.  Seriously, if anything is struck by anything else in a John Woo movie it will explode in spectacular fashion, up to and including people punching other people.  The list of items that John Woo thinks will burst into flames on impact from projectiles includes: Car doors, dry wall, iPhones, Kleenex, Muppets, cotton candy, Tupperware, polar bears, algae, and Pete Rose. 
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The best part of seeing Quantum of Solace in theaters was the new Star Trek trailer, with the franchise rebooted with a new cast in the familiar roles of the original series, in what appears to be a prequel of sorts.  To me, James Doohan is the only Scotty, but hey, that’s just me.  (Hopefully the therapy will cure me by May 2009.)  All you have to do to see the awesome new trailer is click here, without any two hours of James Bond necessary:

Some big new releases came out on DVD, and Film Is Pwn has reviews to let you know what to buy, rent, and wait ’til it comes to free TV.

Wall-E – Read Daniel’s Review

Hellboy II – Read Lawrence Oso’s Review

Tropic Thunder – Read Daniel’s review

P2?  You don’t smell too good either, buddy!

P2?  I haven’t even seen P1 yet!

P2?  Is that R2D2’s cousin?

I couldn’t decide between which of these bad jokes I liked best, so I used all three!  And the real winner is you, the reading public.  In actuality, P2 is not only a set-up for lame humor, it is one of those modern scary movies that are torn between being suspenseful (read: good) and horror (read: rubbish). 
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Ladies and gentlemen, the latest James Bond movie Quantum of Solace would be a cinch for an Academy Award if there were a category for Worst Title.
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I’ve put a brief (two minute) exerpt from Tom and I’s Top 20 audio podcast to video complete with wacky photos on our youtube pack.  The clip is from where I picked my # 15 favorite as the wacky Dave Foley comedy the Wrong Guy, mostly amusing for Tom’s totally unwarranted assault on the good people of Canada, eh.  Enjoy, and I promise that someday soon Tom will post the four new audio podcasts we have already recorded. 

Amazing Grace is the incredible true story of the political and social struggle to abolish slavery in early 19th century England.
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Film is Pwn is honored to feature an interview with the star of the new Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon . . . Gary GuYeti, Hollywood’s most prolific and mysterious abominable snowman.  Gary GuYeti sat down with our own Daniel J. Roos for an exclusive interview:

Film Is Pwn: “Mr. GuYeti, thanks for taking the time to speak with us.”

Gary GuYeti: “Call me Gary, please.”

Film Is Pwn: “Certainly, Gary.  First question: If you had a drinking problem where would you go?”

Gary GuYeti: “I’m . . . not sure.”

Film Is Pwn:  “The Yeti Ford Clinic!  Ha!  Sorry, couldn’t help myself.  Seriously, tell me, how did you break into the movie business?”

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